Saturday, February 16, 2008

Ecumenical Surrealism

I had just finished Matins, Lauds and my Morning Offering today and was walking along the Ambulacrum toward the pigeonholes to see if the Postman had brought me any treats today (he hadn't, in fact he hasn't all week) when the doorbell went. There being no staff in on a Saturday and being the only person in the vicinity I answered it. Can you guess who was on the other side?

Yes, Jehovah's Witnesses! A Dutch gentleman and an Afro-Carribean lady who come from the neighbouring villages were doing their rounds in the area and thought they'd pay a visit to the seminary because of course we all have the same aim in mind! We had a lovely chat comparing ministries; they asked how long we train for and how many students there are for the priesthood today. Neither of us negated the other's faith and the conversation ended with an exchange of names and the ceremonial handing over of Watchtower and Awake magazines. They invited the Seminarians to join their meeting at Kingdom Hall if ever we could make it.

I have always wondered what I would say if a JW were to knock on the seminary door, and now I know. Surreal!


bernadette said...

Oh it`s really simple. I perfected this technique in about 1996 when we seemed to have had a JW Mission in our town. It works a treat.


"Hello, we`re here to tell you about the Kingdom of God."

"Oh, that`s wonderful. This is a Catholic Household, do come in.."

(They tend to hesitate a bit. It`s either the word: household, wonderful or CATHOLIC.. I'm not sure)

"Are you aware how dark the world is these days.. are you worried about the future"

"Oh yes. Without praying to Jesus about it, we`d be lost. he is, after all, the very Son of God"

If they don`t run out of your back door at this point, you have a tough one on your hands. JWs are, of course, the very embodiment of the Arian heresy. They do NOT accept Jesus at the Son of God, but, frankly, that`s not the craziest of their doctrines.

Anyway if they are still in your living room at this point, THIS will send them screaming in terror from your house ( as it has from mine, seriously.)

" I am so grateful you guys called. I was praying for some people to call round and pray with me to our Saviour, Jesus. It has been a very tough week. Sisters ( or brothers) pray with me now..."

Then, launch into the Holy Michael Prayer. If they are still there, start the Rosary.

Guaranteed disappearance as soon as you open your eyes.

And you won`t even have to sit through all that stuff about the Vatican supporting Hitler.

In fact, I haven`t seen any Jehovah's Witnesses now for about five years. I do hope I`m not on their black-list. If anyone sees any, send them my way.

Victoria said...

You might want to bone up on Jason Ever's book Answering Jehovah's Witnesses available from Catholic Answers.

Orthfully Catholic said...

As Seminarians we like to think we know how to answer Jehovah's Witnesses. When I'm at home I pull the 'Its OK, I'm a Catholic' line, which is always answered with, 'Oh, my wife (or husband) is Catholic, I've been trying for years to convert her (or him) but have been unsuccessful thus far' to which I reply in turn, 'Good'. Yesterday I just went for the nice chat on the doorstep to keep it as short as possible.

marcella said...

Nothing in the post, Orthfull? Not even a belated Valentines card?? Now, I wonder how many seminarians get THOSE in the post...

Orthfully Catholic said...

You'd be surprised Marcella, you'd be surprised!

Anonymous said...

Re: Bernadette's statement: "They do NOT accept Jesus at the Son of God"...

Where did you get your info? Jehovah's Witnesses absolutely DO accept Jesus as the Son of God, just as the Bible states in many places. However, they don't believe that Jesus is Jehovah God himself, but yes, he is God's Son.

Do please ask any Witness of Jehovah to confirm this fact for you.

Anonymous said...

Do what my mother's devout Catholic neighbour did.She showed them a Crucifix and said in a very firm voice: Get back! Get Back!
They ran out of her garden without using the gate!

gemoftheocean said...

Honey, you don't know how to play this game.

If a JW comes to your door you tell him you are a Mormon.

If a Mormon comes to your door, you tell him you are a JW.

Those two groups HATE each other!

Easier than pulling out a pentagram or garlic and a crucifix.

A retired pastor friend of mine was once up at a conference in Hell-A -- after an exhausting day, he was minding his own beeswax reading his breviary while waiting for his flight from LAX to San Diego...he was wearing his full clericals and some bible thumper holy roller types approached him and said "We'd like to tell you about JEsus."

Fr. was not "in the mood" and really that it was rank impudence on their part with the condescending manner of their approach.... so he said "What would you like to know about him?"

They slunk away with their tails between their legs.

gemoftheocean said...

Orthfully, hopefully the Valentine's Day card is from mom!


bernadette said...


well they seem to get very upset when I pray to Jesus as the Son of God, and "our Saviour, Jesus Christ". They also refuse to accept that Jsus IS God.. but that`s probably getting a bit technical.
maybe you know a sect which is ripe for catechising..... fantastic. That's wonderful. Let us know how you get on.

PS, you`re not a JW , are you ?